OK... Normally I wouldn't bump a thread this old, but I've had a bit of a second wind with this song lately. You know how the first time you hear something you might like it - but it's only later that something happens to suddenly make you understand what it's actually talking about?
Well, I recently broke up with a bipolar woman and this song nails EXACTLY what it can be like to have a bipolar person in your life, especially if the 'bad' pole is more prominent than the 'good' one (Sorry if that sounds glib, it's just the best way I can put it right now). I was listening to it not long after the split and some of the lyrics were so close to the bone, it was almost like I'd written the lines myself - a feeling that's become very familiar to me over the 15 years I've been listening to Ginger's music.
As several people have rightly pointed out, bipolar is a chemical imbalance which the sufferer can only control to a limited degree. I think the song is about what the person who falls in love with the person with the imbalance goes through. More specifically, about that point where they, for all the understanding and tolerance they've felt and shown so far, they just can't see any sign of the person they fell for anymore in that partner... No matter how badly they DON'T want to come to that conclusion (
What the hell has come over me?/Where's the person you used to be?/I guess somebody switched you while I was asleep)
A person with bipolar on a 'downward swing' has their way of perceiving the world warped and rewired in ways that can be alien, even horrifyingly so, to those close to them. It's hard enough being in a relationship with anyone who suspects the worst of you, or is looking to find fault in you (And let's face it, we've all been there); but when you're dealing with someone whose brain is chemically wired to jump at the most negative assumptions about everything, especially you, it's nigh on impossible to prove their doubts wrong. In fact, often the very attempt to prove yourself to them only seems to give them further 'proof' that you are 'the bad guy' (
Sitting duck in the firing range... I'm in the shit but out of your league... Now your lies have become the truth/See the proof)
Ultimately, if the bipolar person cannot take some kind of control of these feelings be it through medication/therapy/talking to their partner/whatever, they will destroy the relationship while firmly believing that they are the ones who have been sinned against... Even though it's their own perceptions of their partner - and their refusal to recognise anything positive in them, or any efforts on their part to try and save the relationship - that have brought the breakdown about (
Are you happy that they all believe you?/Ain't it funny how we shape the future?)
Now I honestly don't mean to offend anyone with these, and suspect that I'm probably sounding very harsh on people with bipolar - I don't mean to. I think I have enough understanding of the condition to have a lot of sympathy with those who suffer it. I know in my case, I went into that relationship wanting nothing but to help my ex, and understand her condition. Even as her behaviour got erratic and she got more and more critical of everything I did - even concerning stuff she liked about me even a month earlier - I always tried to see this as another part of her bipolar, another part of her that, if I was to accept her truly, I'd have to take on board and try to understand.
However, everybody has their limit. Her 'up' side very quickly disappeared totally, leaving just sullenness and accusations, and things happened that made me realise that I wouldn't be seeing the girl I'd loved these past few months again. She had convinced herself so thoroughly that she was being victimized that nothing she could do could possibly be worse than what I had supposedly already done (
You got the right to do as you please)
Anyhoo, enough of the shaggy dog story. My point is, having a bipolar partner can be a hugely frustrating experience, because you end up not being able to tolerate a person you know is sick - but not only will they not let you help, they're seemingly determined to hate you, and NOTHING you do or say will avoid that. In fact, it's heartbreaking knowing that your very presence is fuelling the condition (
I'd rather die than feed your disease anyway) In the worst cases, their behaviour can be so bad - even hateful - that you want to hate them but can't bring yourself to. Not only do you love them, you know it's because they're ill... Yet you can't stop the hurt and the instinctual need to hate back (Hence the
knife/fucking world apart bit... That's not literal, but more the frustration that comes from taking things you never would from those you hate, from someone you love)
Fuck, I didn't mean to go on THIS long! Resurrecting long-dead threads, and with an essay at that... Ah well. It's just that looking over this thread again, I can't help but feel like some people have been a bit tough on Ginger's lyrics here. I can see why some might see it as being sexist/condoning woman bashing, but having been through a similar situation recently I think it's more about being treated so badly by someone you love that you want to hate them in that way, but can't bring yourself to. Therefore, you're left with no defense, no way out, nothing but a lover who doesn't want to want you anymore, for reasons you can't understand.
And yeah, you could argue that I'm twisting the song to suit my own experiences but I really don't know. The lyrics nail the situation so well and with such accuracy... I'm standing by this one.
Just as I stand by anyone who has actually made it to the end of this post. Your medal is in the mail
