The XXXXX Rated Jokes Page

[nig1012]

right winters on its way, my holiday, leeds festival and shepards bush gig has been and gone, i'm getting depressed so i'm gonna start a jokes page.........so here goes

wots hairy on the outside, moist on the inside, starts wiv a 'C',
end wiv a 'T', and has the letters 'U' and 'N' in the middle?















a coconut you filthy minded fucker

[nig1012]

paddys in a disco and he sez to a girl "how about a shag" the girl replies "i'm on my menstrual cycle"........ "great " sez paddy "i'm on me scooter, i'll follow ya home"

[nig1012]

irelands worst plane disaster occured this morning when a small 2 seater cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. search and rescue workers have recovered 1,843 bodies and that number is expected to climb as digging continues into the night

[nig1012]

reverand JOHN FLAPPS walks past a pub and see's a young lady from his congregation inside so he goes in and sez "this is no place for a young lady, i'm taking you home." as he goes to grab the young lady he stumbles and falls on top of her and they roll about on the floor. the barman see's the reverand on top of the young lady with her skirt around her waist and sez " oi we won't have any off that kind of thing in this pub." "but i'm pastor FLAPPS" sez the reverand" "ok" sez the barman "if your that far in you might as well finish"

[nig1012]

GARY GLITTER bought 100 cases of glenfiddich scotch whiskey today because the salesman told him it was a tasty little 10 year old that goes down well

[nig1012]

midwife sez to paddy "your wife's had triplets" "i'm not surprised" sez paddy "i've got a cock as big as a chimney" the midwife replies "well you'd better get it swept then, they're all fuckin' black "

[spoon_of_grimbo]

what's the difference between a truckload of marbles and a truckload of dead babies?
you can't unload a truckload of marbles with a pitchfork...



what do you get if you cut a dead baby in half?
an erection...

[nig1012]

officials have found out the reason why GARY GLITTER wouldn't fly back to england. the boeing 747 was a 1990 model and he refuses to ride on anything over 10 years old.

[nig1012]

a farmer in devon has successfully grown a field full of vibrators, unfortunately he now has a problem with squatters.

[nig1012]

little boy asks his mum "why am i black and you're white," "don't even go there" sez his mother "when i think back to that party you're lucky you don't fuckin' bark"

[nig1012]

wot's 13 inches long, silver and probabley the worst thing you can find at the bottom of your daughters bed?






GARY GLITTERS BOOTS

[nig1012]

what's the height of suspicion?????



seeing a coalman leave your house with one clean finger.

[nig1012]

midwife sez to MICHEAL JACKSON "congratulations mr jackson you have a healthy baby boy" jacko really pleased pulls the midwife to one side and sez "when do you think we can start having sex." "fuckin'hell" sez the midwife "at least wait 'till he's walking"

[DangerousBeans]

Jack and Jill went up the hill,

So Jack could kiss Jill's fanny,

Jack got a shock, and a mothfull of cock,

'Cos Jill's a pre-op tranny.

[Assmask]

what's the difference between a truckload of marbles and a truckload of dead babies?
you can't unload a truckload of marbles with a pitchfork...



what do you get if you cut a dead baby in half?
an erection...

LOL - they are my two bad ones. However my take on the second one.

What do you get if you stick a knife in a baby?

Well I don't know about you, but I get an erection.


OK...


What's the best thing about shagging 22 year olds?

There's twenty of them! (Kinda needs to be a vocal one that)