Oi y'bastards

, mind you I had a theory about aliens once and it went something like this......................
Apparently, 5% of the population of the United States believe that they have been abducted by aliens at some point in their lives. Whilst this goes some way to explaining the popularity of the X-Files, it also begs some questions about our extraterrestrial visitors.
5% of the population of the US is about 15,000,000 people. To abduct and anally probe that many people, even over a 20-year span, would mean sneaking into the homes, snatching away and molesting the rectum of over 2000 people very single night for that time.
Assuming that your average American is reporting honestly, there is only one conclusion which we can draw from this: the aliens have an obsession with anally probing people which doesn't so much border on pathology as represents full-blown psychosis. Who knows why it's US citizens who get the abduction treatment more than anyone else in the world? Perhaps the sheer vastness of the American arse (sorry Mike and Benny) is uniquely alluring to your alien prober. Perhaps it's something in the American diet. Who can say?
Well, the aliens could, obviously, and that's how you go about capturing one. Simply get a sizable number - a few hundred, or thousands - of US citizens to drop their trousers and raise their arses to the sky on a clear, starry night and the saucers will descend in force. It's impossible that they won't; such is the obsession with backsides demonstrated by the aliens that an opportunity like this will be too powerful for them to resist.
And then we spring the trap.
Who's with me?
Of course we'd have to track down the Google earth images for that day and can you imagine the look on the persons face who stumbles across the sattelite photo of that one.
